When I was in university, I knew a smart, educated woman with a great job who was dating a complete loser.He had no job, no education, and had spent more time in jail than in meaningful jobs. I’ve addressed issues like why do women like jerks?But, what about the pathetic loser that a lot of women date and stick with even though he may be unemployed, drug addicted, and even physically ugly?So, here’s the answer to the question: why do women date losers?Girlfriends who left me at weddings, restaurants and holiday parties. Girlfriends who threatened to beat up people with candlesticks. Anyway, once upon a time, one of my friends was listening to one of my dating horror stories and offered her diagnosis: It was a reasonable conclusion to draw. That’s when it dawned upon me: My problem wasn’t that I was attracted to crazy women… Thus, the problem isn’t that you’re attracting the wrong men. The truth is that you don’t ATTRACT the wrong men, you ACCEPT the wrong men.After all, I did have a disproportionate number of stories about highly emotional women. Yes, I was attracted to women, and yes, a certain percentage of them were going to be crazy. The real issue was how much time I’d invested in these women, hoping that they’d suddenly become calm. I continually put myself through roller-coaster relationships with insecure people, hoping that they would work themselves out. When you’re dating a man who has been with you for five years and never proposed, the problem is that you ACCEPTED HIM.I recently came across a photo of a sexy Brazilian man I had an affair with a few years ago.(OK, I Googled him.) When I saw his sly smile and unruly black hair, I couldn't help thinking that, by comparison, my live-in boyfriend wasn't quite as darkly seductive or exciting.
Taking years to wait for a man to propose when he was never really going to.
Yes, as a dating coach, I am very fluent in the way you can allow your optimism to override your realism when it comes to love. Loving and losing can hurt far more than never loving at all.
And after all of those false starts and rejections and disappointments, it would be very easy to come to the conclusion that, dammit, you just seem to attract the “wrong” men. What if I told you that in my 15 years of single adulthood, I went out with a lot of women who were, let’s just say…highly emotional. And this is the stuff I can share with you in a blog post! I craved stability and normalcy and unconditional love and support.
I met the Brazilian in line for a film screening while visiting Manhattan from San Francisco.
I was convinced I'd found my ideal man: intellectual, witty, artistic, and .